My name is A.
in 2017, I almost wanted to hit my student
It was a wake up call for me.
I realized I'm alway moody and easily irrated.
I am not my usually calm and cool self.
Scared that I might harm my students or my self,
I googled for psychology centre around town.
Found one that open on Saturday.
Book an appointment for the next available date
Come Saturday, I drive all the way to TTDI
for my appointment.
It was an hour and a half session.
I said whatever been bothering me
at the end of the session
she concluded that
I have Bipolar disorder type 2.
I was shocked, confuse and blank
She suggested that I meet with a psychiatrist
Set an appointment on that day it self.
The next week, off I go to see the psychiatrist
He too agreed with the diagnosing
I suggested I take some medication
to stabilize my mood
So, 2 years of going back and forth between sessions
Medication on and off
Come 2018, I tender my resignation
I wanted to venture to something else
I wanted to grow
I was jobless for 6 months
I tried to commit suicide
I took my duck scarf and tried to strangle my self
It was so painful
I wanted to passed out
No one was at home
Then I saw my parents's pictures on the table
I stop
I cried and cried
I withdraw from the world
Did not shower for few days
Did not eat for few days
Wake up to only fall asleep again
Come December 2018
I force myself to seek help
I got back on medication and therapy
Again, was on off medication and therapy for 2019
I was asked to go ER to get medication asap
2019, I struggled with my weight and new responsibilities in my new venture
Today, I'm still struggling
I trying to take as it come
Not to stress my self
as STRESS is my trigger.
I'm still off meds.
Honestly, I am abit tired
Mentally and emotionally
Some day, I dont want to go to work
Some day, I'm so excited to go to work
Some day, I'm productive
Some day, I'm a lazy bum
Its tiring juggling this mixed of emotion
I need to go back on meds
But , I don't know
I too lazy
I guess......
Why this blog?
I need an outlet to release my thoughts and feelings
I decided to go back to writing.
So here goes...
My first post.
